Active tense

Day off. will walk. get drycleaning. study for gmats. redo resume. watched LOST. Cool. Very cold. still using feather comforter. warm? ever? summer? when?
Cheryl great. little pain. will live.
no money. really. NO money. will live.
clean room. must.
dating. dating. dating. sigh. will live.

Did I mention that I'm an Aquarius AND I was born under the water sign for the Year of the Ox?

Today was a beautiful day. Such weather we have not seen for a long time in New England. Wanting to take advantage of the weather AND my day off, I took some GMAT stuff, my Ipod, some drinks, and some Cracker Jacks to the river. I walked my usual 3 mile route and intended to stop and read some of the books. While walking, I saw that there were way more canoers than usual on the river. When I reached the far bridge, I saw that there was a canoe race on. As it turns out it's North America's largest canoe race. Who knew?

It was a pleasant walk and I wore my Ipod. I was listening to bluegrass. It just seemed the day for it. Eventually, inevitably, a song about heartbreak came on and it got me to thinking about that Baltimore ex-"boyfriend." Lately, I've been pretty active on Match.com, so dating has been at the forefront of my mind. I was pep-talking myself about how badly he treated me. How could he just stop like that? Then I thought about how instant my attraction to him was. And I wondered if I would ever feel it again. I wondered if I moved back to that area, would I try to see him again. I thought, well, I want to get promoted to one of the big stores in that area. I'd like to be a manager there. If that happened, would we even try? And then it hit me.

Like an asteroid.

Like an asteroid that could be responsible for ending life on a planet.

Or maybe even starting it.

I'm not going to move back there.

I'm staying here.

When I thought of myself as a manager at one of those big stores, I realized ... I don't want that job. I'm not interested. I'd rather stay here.

It was like a weight had been lifted. I don't think I really knew what that metaphor meant until I felt it today. So much uncertainty that I had felt for a while was gone. A path seemed to make itself clear. As clear as the one I was currently walking by the river. As clear as the one marked in the tarot cards.

I've finished with this job. A boorish way to say it is that I'm bored. And I get bored, I'll admit. I change jobs as soon as the challenge is gone. In this job, I still have improvements to make. I want to make them. But I'm not motivated to move upward in it. There's nothing more to achieve. And it will be too long a wait for a different job that I'll like in the company.

No, there's another job that I'm going to apply for. It'll be a radical change. I'm not sure that I'm qualified. I'll have to polish up the ol' resume. I haven't used it in ... 6 years? Yikes. I don't know why I held back from applying before. I don't think I was scared of them saying no, so much as I didn't want to find out that I don't have any options. But that's not true anymore either. After all, I'm studying for the GMATs.

The river was in the cards. It represented flow, change. Looking at it today, after my epiphany, I realized that the lesson is to keep moving forward. (Well, we've heard that before.)

The river always flows. Nothing can stop it. And there are no obstacles.

Have you ever noticed that? A river knows no obstacles. The water just flows around them. It always finds a way.

Think happy thoughts.

My sister Cheryl had gastric bypass surgery today. She is doing well, altho in pain. Send her your good karma. Thanks.

Yay and Argh!

I am still tweaked about my visit with the bigwigs. As I dissect it in my head, I'm trying to figure out what was it that made me react so. The results are not conclusive, but I'm feeling like I am not to blame.

The good news: I did the river walk (about 3 miles) on Friday, Saturday, and today. Feeling very good about that. Hope I can keep it up.

My cup runneth over.

Ok, Tarot card reading. 2 of cups, 4 of cups, 8 of cups, eclipse and sun, small dogs, rivers and flow. 8 of cups was leaving knowledge behind and taking a journey, trying new things. An eclipse in the sky. Darkness in light. Then Queen of Swords. Aloof and wise, reclusive and yet sought after for knowledge. Nice compliment. Then 2 of cups, upside down. Someone is offering me something, a cup. Take it. Upside down serves to emphasize chance of it. Then 4 of cups right side up. Eyes are downcast at 3 cups, while a hand from a cloud offers a 4th. Look up. Take it. Rivers in all cards. Representing flow. Finally, THE FOOL. Upside down. A full sun in the sky. About to fall off a cliff. A small dog yaps at me. Fool is traveling. Taking chances. Upside down represents surprises in store.

Basically, I came away from the reading that I need to trust my gut in taking a journey. This journey may take me away from things that I am sure of and knowledgeable about, which makes me afraid, but I should trust it because my knowledge will serve me. Also things are offered to me and I need to trust my instinct in these things. Look up from the cups, take new chances. Don't dwell on the old. When I asked about romance, she said that great surprises were in store.

Whatever that means.

It was a really fascinating thing. We all had it done and everyone ended up getting a reading that had an impact on them. Of course, it was appropriately vague, but eerily accurate. Try it sometime.

Tuesday, I had to go to a training class in Burlington. That was fun. We took a look at the mall and the other store. We ate tapas for lunch and saw the new electronic cigarette. For dinner, it was chipotle. I ended up staying late at work that night to prepare for some big visits the next day. My corp bigwigs were coming and I needed to work my floor. Per usual, I kept it to last minute.

The visits were not ideal. They, in doing their job, have a lot of suggestions. I, in doing my job, am a little defensive. Someone else at work said it best - they are idea people, not solution people. So they have great ideas, but not necessarily practical solutions. So I'm learning tact. It's always been a weakness for me. Let's face it, BS and tact go together like PB and J.

I had the callback audition for the troupe Wed night, right after their visit. It wasn't my strongest performance, but I did feel like I got a little back, when they let me perform an additional monologue at the end. Because time was short, they had asked if we could skip mine earlier, but later offered me the chance to do it after the audition. My biggest problem was that I wasn't contributing in my scenework. But to be fair, we were all doing that. The monologue went better for me, because it was just me. Anyhoo, I found out the next day that I didn't make it. And I would just like to say that she's Meshawesome for a reason.

So maybe that improv troupe in Italy is exactly the kind of chance and journey that I should be taking with my cups of knowledge.

We'll see.

Go with the flow.

So yesterday we took my friend from work, Kati, out for her birthday at the Melting Pot. I know from experience this is a good birthday place. While we didn't have as enthusiastic a waiter, we did have an equally good time. AND it was ladies' night. You could get massages, Mary Kay, jewelry, all that women-y stuff, AND a tarot card reading. Ooooohhhhh ...
So we did it.
I'll tell you all about it in my next post. Today was a long day and I wanna get to bed.

Peeped out

Breakfast: a fish oil pill, water
Went for a 3-mile walk AND I ran part of it (prolly like half a mile). This is a big step up. Hopefully, I can get to the point where I'll run half of it.
Lunch: 4 peeps, a LOT of M&Ms and skittles
Dinner: a whole medium ham and pineapple pizza, coke.

Dinner was prolly overdoing it.

Anyway, I was hoping to catch up on some stuff today. I did do my laundry and go grocery shopping. Did they stop manufacturing Suave deoderant? Because I can't find it anywhere. So when I started considering alternatives, I noticed that they have one "clinical strength" deoderant for $8.99. $8.99?!? I have to imagine how much NOT sweating is worth to me. I'd like to go with $2.49.

While doing my laundry, I was reading my GMAT for Dummies book. This book was written by dummies. Seriously, the authors are so condescending but I can only remind myself that I should have known ... because it says in the title that it's for dummies.

Two things that I didn't get to were hemming my pants and practicing my banjo. I want to get back to that.

Now I'm tired and want to go to bed. It's going to be a busy week at work.

Working the numbers

Woohoo! Callbacks for the improv troupe - keep your fingers and toes crossed!

Thursday, I did manage to take a walk along the river. It was a beautiful day and I'm glad I could squeeze it in. I can't remember what I ate for breakfast but for dinner, I had an Italian sub with soda. Then later, I had a cheeseburger from McDonalds and a soda. The eating schedule was all wonky cause I worked a closing shift.

Today was a busy day at work cause the kids are out of school. Had a croissant and coffee for breakfast; a baked potato with butter and sour cream, ham and cheese sandwich with lettuce, tomato, pickles and sweet peppers, and soda for lunch; pork cutlet (donkatsu) with cabbage for dinner; and a soda.

Tomorrow should be just as busy. Sunday, nothing but Peeps and M&Ms!!! I may skip the soda.

You go, girl

I did not exercise today. I did not exercise yesterday. I have been eating like a garbage truck.

But I'll try again tomorrow.

I did try out for an improv troupe today. I'm getting better at the auditions. And there were FAR less people there, thus improving my chances GREATLY. I'm a numbers gal. I'll keep you updated.

Finally, I'd like to tell a story for a friend who's feeling nervous about the choices that she's made.

I tried and tried to get someone to go with me on my big trip around the
world. I was scared and I thought I shouldn't go alone. But I just
couldn't convince myself that it was a good reason NOT to go. And
I really, really, really wanted it. "Traveling around the world" was
something I had wanted my whole life. Even though people warned me not to,
I went and for purely selfish reasons. It's what I wanted.

While staying with relatives in Korea, my aunt went with me
to buy the ticket to Beijing. She was scared for me - she didn't
think that I should travel alone. The travel agent told us that the ticket
was non-refundable. This made my aunt nervous. But I swallowed
hard and told her buy the ticket. I thought, "Well, I have no choice but
to go now."

I was at the airport alone - there was no one to see me off
on this grand journey. I was scared shitless. I checked
my backpack. I boarded the plane. I clearly remember the
sound of the plane door closing. And I swallowed hard and
thought, "Well, I have no choice but to go now."

Each time that I got scared, I imagined a million ways that I could give up and go straight home. And trust me, bad things happened to me. More than most
know about. But I kept plunging forward until I had no choice but to
keep going forward. All I had to do was get myself past the point of no return.

Girl, you already did it. Keep going forward. The moment when you made your choice is a moment to celebrate your courage and your triumph over fear.

It was the moment when you made your dreams come true. Keep going forward.

I swear I had nothing to do with that earthquake.

My sister sent me this card. And truthfully, you all should be grateful.

Hope it was a cherry blawesome weekend!

ack! I guess it's been a while. Yesterday, I had ... lemme see ... stuff. Not good stuff. Vaguely remember a cinnamon roll, usual coffee, burger, baked potato, oh! And last night Jason's girlfriend made sushi. Very good. Quite good. Yummy. And I had sake with it.
I did manage to walk around the mall, and I've done it twice. Whenever I have lunch with Kati from work, we conclude our lunch with it. On Friday, I walked ALL around the mall. A shoe ended up on our display (we don't know how) that did not belong to us. Inspecting this shoe carefully, I realized that it came from another store. I believe that some child must have picked it up and carried it around. The mother discovered this later and put it down in our store, perhaps thinking (wrongly) that it belonged to us. So I walked to every store in the mall that sells kids shoes until I found the store that sells them. It was a lot of walking. So I chalked it up to exercise. The other store was rather impressed that I would take the time to return it. Yeah, I'm nice like that.
Today, I had a blueberry muffin made by Laura, no coffee, chipotle burrito with large coke, baked chicken with mushrooms and squash with stove top dressing - made by Jason. I didn't walk anywhere.

Little dentist babies

Breakfast: one fried egg (about 2 tsp butter), 2 pieces whole wheat toast, water
Lunch: gunk from teeth cleaning at the dentist and some sand (I am not kidding).
Dinner: Chipotle burrito, margarita (did you know they SELL this there?!), 1 beer, chips and guac.
Snack: coke and popcorn at the movies.

So I went to the dentist today and one day I would like to have his babies. I found this dentist through my dentist in Towson. He had gone to MCV and knew my dentist in Richmond, who had gone to MCV. So when I told my Towson dentist that I was moving to Boston, he gave me the name of a dentist they both knew from MCV. Well, that particular dentist wasn't there today, but his brother was, is dreamy AND gave me fillings for free. This was after he filled my mouth with sand. Actually, he used a mini-tooth-sand-blaster to remove the decay from around two old fillings (which was fast and painless AND didn't involve novocaine) before putting on new fillings. Since I couldn't remember if these were fillings from Japan (10 years ago) or fillings from my last dentist (last year), we weren't sure if the insurance would cover them. But he said if they wouldn't, they wouldn't worry about charging me. I'm pretty sure that means that he fell instantly in love with me. Because I did.

How does one go about thinking of reasons to see your dentist when he tells you that your teeth and gums are "great! I'll guess we'll see you in 6 months for another cleaning." But you're supposed to be in love with me?!? Couldn't you tell me that I needed a root canal or braces or something?!? Oh for the love of GOD, work with me!

Afterwards, I met my friend Kati and we went to the movies. I work with Kati and we have very similar senses of humor, which is why being the only 2 people in the theater to see Race to Witch Mountain was endlessly funny to us. When we walked in and saw that we'd be alone, we both started searching frantically for seats. "Where will we sit?" "Can you find 2 seats together?" "Can you ask those people to move over one?" Then when I went to the bathroom, I told her to make sure that she saves my seat. When I came back, I yelled from the back of the theater, "Kati, where are you? I can't find you!" When she came back from the bathroom, she said, "People are so rude. No one would get up to let me back in to my seat!" Of course, we commented very loudly on the movie (which by the way, is pretty good and perfect for kids AND adults), but halfway through the movie, 2 more people came in to see the film. Who does that? When they sat down, probably 10 rows in front of us, I leaned over to Kati and said, "Of course, they would sit right in front of us, blocking our view."

Actually, that was funny probably because of the 2 margaritas we had at Chipotle. Good times.

Happy April Non-Fool's Day

So I worked yesterday. I ate ...

Breakfast: small coffee with cream and Splenda (so much for the cleanse) and a croissant with strawberry jelly.
Lunch: a 1/3 lb burger with cheddar and bacon, lettuce, tomato, pickles, ketchup, mayo. I didn't finish it. Fries, large coke (actually it was a Pepsi).
Dinner: some noodle dish that my roommate made from a box with shrimp and tofu. I had a little cause I was still full from lunch. 1 beer.

The good news is that we walked around the mall after lunch. Woohoo!

I have today off and I have 3 objectives:
1. Do Laundry
2. Go for a walk
3. Dentist's appt.

Later I'll probably go to the movies.

And I must apologize. I had meant to write an elaborate blog as an April Fool's joke. But honestly, I couldn't come up with anything really good. Maybe next year.