Give Me Liberty or Give Me Death

I like the little town that I live in. It's called Watertown and it's near Cambridge, just outside of Boston. It's very cute. There is a sushi place, not more than a block from where I live and manicure/pedicure place even closer. There's a Starbucks across the street and a Dunkin Donuts too, but other than that, most of the little businesses are Mom & Pop type places. The Charles River Park is close by and is supposed to be good for running. I'll have to check that out. Also, they have outdoor concerts every Thursday on the lawn at Watertown Park.

I wish there was a grocery store closer tho. I went to one of those little Mom & Pop type places, and it's not like they have fresh veggies every day.

My apt is nice, a lot like my Richmond apts. Old with a lot of character. What this really means is no air-conditioning. But since I'm from the South, I can handle it. Not to mention, I've lived without air conditioning. The little complex where my apt is reminds me of a German castle, with a gate thru which we drive to park in the central courtyard, with the walls ringed round it. The owners also have a little garden that they tend in the courtyard as well. Hardwood floors, high ceilings, narrow stairways and a storage space that I call the "crazy Grandma attic." You know, it's where they would have hidden the crazy Grandma in the old days. Yeah, well, that's what Patrick Henry did to his wife ... and ... in the basement. I told you, I'm from the South.

Overall, I think I'm gonna like it here. Even if I do still miss him.

Little Sparrow by Dolly Parton

I'm torturing myself. I don't know why I'm doing it.

It's my last day in Baltimore. My room is mostly cleaned out. I have a lot of stuff. Someone is taking over my apt and he's moving in this weekend. So I had to make sure that all of my stuff was out, even though the movers can't pick up my stuff until July 5. Boo. I have to come back to supervise the packing. What a hassle. Plus, I have to transport certain things myself, like any valuables, my plants, a blow-up bed, and clothes. I'm thinking I don't have enough room for all of this in my car. I thought at first that I'd have plenty, but I don't. What's waiting for me tomorrow is a 7-8 hour drive alone.

Sorry, that's not the torture part. I texted him on Tues. He was the one who suggested we be friends and have a drink before I go, after about a week of not hearing from him. He emailed me on myspace to suggest that. So I texted on Tues, "Still want 2 get 2gether?" Non-commital, right? No word. I've been checking myspace everyday. I check his page, I check mine. I check friends' pages. I'm a loser. Nothing. Well, he did put up a bulletin (for everyone to see). The subject line was Al Green. The message was "Let's Stay Together!" a song by Al Green.

To be honest, I think he's moved on and is dating other girls already. That song is not meant for me. My roommate, who I should have never said anything at all to, except that he kept asking, keeps trying to convince me that he's a jerk. Everything is black and white to him; I don't think forgiveness is easy for him. I don't need to think the worst of someone to move on. It might help for some people, but it's not helping me. I just wish I knew the truth. I just wished he'd said goodbye.

Of course, none of this is the torture part. Some stupid impulse made me go and read some of the old emails that he'd sent me. Sweet, lovely emails with sweet, lovely sentiments ... with the occassional dirty talk. He told me that I "touched his heart and I love you for it." He told me that I was "so pretty" and that I made him "feel like a man." He said that he would "make it work," meaning when I moved. I'm reading all of this and I'm thinking, why would he tell me these things, lead me on, when it was so easy for him to hurt me like that? Why do guys promise you the moon so early, so soon? Something must give them so much confidence early in the relationship and yet the same thing must make them lose all confidence right when I start to believe in the relationship. How can that NOT leave you feeling like it's your fault?

It'd be so much easier for me to forgive him if he would just say goodbye to me. Then at least I'd know that I meant something.

Oh, jennings rampage, you are a fool. First of all, you can get non-South African diamonds. Try Australian or better yet, man-made. Both make lovely non-massacre-inducing trinkets. Second, you are not buying her sex and/or slavery. The ring (or rather a dowry/gift of financial substance) is meant to secure your commitment. How do we as women know that you won't flake out on us. We know it happens.
Don't think of it as retainer. She needs collateral.

I dreamed a dream.

Here I am, at my parents' house, visiting before I move this coming Sat. I'm supposed to be saying goodbye, but I'm not really, cause I'll see them for 4th of July. I have to be back then because they can't pick up my stuff to move until July 5th.
And still, I haven't heard from him. But I'm having all kinds of thoughts. Thoughts of me, thoughts of he ... Well, to be honest, I think he's already moved on and seeing other people. His myspace page looks it. He's been spending a lot of time on it. It makes it a little easier for me but it doesn't? Does that make sense? No, it doesn't. I guess what I mean is, I'm caring less and less about him, but I don't want to.

New life, new blog

Here it is, folks. A whole new blog. New blog = new life? who knows ...