I got my first paycheck from New Job! Woohoo! I went and splurged! I went on a shopping spree! I was so excited!
What did I buy?
Mouthwash!
Yeah, that's right - mouthwash! I was so excited! I haven't had mouthwash since May! Not that I needed it. I had an appointment with my dentist just last week and they said that my teeth and gums looked great. It's just that I love mouthwash. I feel a little more confident with it. But when you're on a tight budget, it's one of those things that you take off your list of groceries to save a few bucks because, well, the dentist can tell you that your teeth and gums are great without it.
Of course that's not the only thing I splurged on! Don't be ridiculous, I bought other things too. I bought a new toothbrush! It was exhilirating - I'm not gonna lie. I also bought face cleanser - hadn't had that since, prolly August. Course, that was really more cause they stopped making my usual face cleanser and I was investigating which products would be best.
It's just that I was living on such a tight budget that I really did have to deny myself the simple luxuries, like mouthwash, a new toothbrush, face cleanser, and face lotion. For face lotion, I dug out all of the samples that I'd had from Old Job and started using those. Interesting tidbit: Estee Lauder makes me break out. Who knew. Fortunately, all my other toiletries lasted through my fiscal crisis.
I did run out of multi-vitamins. Didn't go buy new vitamins. I definitely need to get some of those, though. I'm a big believer of vitamins, ever since my 3 month jaunt around the world (with vitamins) prevented me from getting a cold for 2 years.* What did not run out? My Flax Seed Oil and my Gingko Biloba, NEITHER of which HELPED one iota the way that they were supposed to. Am I smarter? No. Did my blood pressure stop being too low? No. I wish these HAD run out so that I would have the pleasure of NOT buying them again. Hmmph!
I had cut back on the drycleaning also. I hadn't had a thing drycleaned since May, maybe April - I can't remember. I dropped all of it off this week = $99.50!!! That's actually not too bad considering it's 6 months worth of drycleaning. Although I really shouldn't tell you how many times I rewore some of those things.
AND I finally got my boots repaired. I took them to London with me and that's when I noticed that the bottom of the heel on the right shoe had fallen off! I still wore them. This is a no-no, as it wears down the heel more than the other one and then replacing the little rubber nub is not enough to even out the wear. I knew this having been in the shoe business. But what can you do when you're on a tight budget? Well, you wear your boots in London, that's what you do.
I just thought it was a monumental moment when I went to the grocery store and spent over $60. During the Ginger Russell Fiscal Crisis of Ought'10, my weekly budget at the grocery store was $30. Now I'm half-Korean and I knew I could make that work, so I wasn't worried. But that was meals for a week. No eating out. I maybe could sneak a coffee in or so. But no more eating out.
I wasn't always so good at sticking to the budget.
Thank God the crisis is over.
*I never told you about that? It's true.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Sunday, October 24, 2010
What do you call it when you think it's great, but it's not?
Other weight-loss problems? Sure.
My shoes don't fit anymore. I slide out of all of them. I used to have this beautiful pair of green suede shoes with a little velvet bow - I always got compliments when I wore them. Heels come right out, pants gets stuck in them, I almost trip. ARRRGH!
I'm digging out the shoes from the back of my closet (you know, the ones that used to be a little too tight, but I thought they'd stretch) and wearing those.
None of my winter pants fit, except for a grey wool pair that my sister bought me years ago, that never fit because they were about 2 sizes too small. Now they're about 1 size too small, but at least I can get in them. And when I say that my winter pants don't fit, I mean that they won't stay up. They fall straight down to the ground. Great, right? ARRRGH!
Bad news though - I've gained 2 lbs. If I want to lose more weight, I have to start dieting seriously. This sucks because I've always known that I'm not too good at it. I did well on Weight Watchers and that left me with some good habits that I'm trying to stick too. I did well this summer because finances forced me to pack lunch, which put me in a great position to eat better. But in the new job, I'm eating lunch every day at their cafeteria, where I tend to overeat. And because I'm working weekends also, I haven't even had time to go shopping for food. And so I give in to exhaustion and eat out -also very poorly.
If I can just get through the holidays without putting on more weight ...
The other thing that's bothering me is that the weather has been keeping me away from running along the river. I didn't realize that the gym wouldn't provide as good a workout. And I really HATE the treadmill. Seriously, I'm just angry at it now. I can't do any of the other machines because those feel like even less of a workout. I did go to one of the dance exercise classes last week, which felt good. Interval type training, worked up a good sweat, felt stupid - all the earmarks of a great workout. So I'd like to try incorporating that into my workout regime. Maybe I just need to invest in some warmer workout clothes and keep up the run along the river. Really? Why is this getting harder?
This was supposed to feel good. ARRRGH!
My shoes don't fit anymore. I slide out of all of them. I used to have this beautiful pair of green suede shoes with a little velvet bow - I always got compliments when I wore them. Heels come right out, pants gets stuck in them, I almost trip. ARRRGH!
I'm digging out the shoes from the back of my closet (you know, the ones that used to be a little too tight, but I thought they'd stretch) and wearing those.
None of my winter pants fit, except for a grey wool pair that my sister bought me years ago, that never fit because they were about 2 sizes too small. Now they're about 1 size too small, but at least I can get in them. And when I say that my winter pants don't fit, I mean that they won't stay up. They fall straight down to the ground. Great, right? ARRRGH!
Bad news though - I've gained 2 lbs. If I want to lose more weight, I have to start dieting seriously. This sucks because I've always known that I'm not too good at it. I did well on Weight Watchers and that left me with some good habits that I'm trying to stick too. I did well this summer because finances forced me to pack lunch, which put me in a great position to eat better. But in the new job, I'm eating lunch every day at their cafeteria, where I tend to overeat. And because I'm working weekends also, I haven't even had time to go shopping for food. And so I give in to exhaustion and eat out -also very poorly.
If I can just get through the holidays without putting on more weight ...
The other thing that's bothering me is that the weather has been keeping me away from running along the river. I didn't realize that the gym wouldn't provide as good a workout. And I really HATE the treadmill. Seriously, I'm just angry at it now. I can't do any of the other machines because those feel like even less of a workout. I did go to one of the dance exercise classes last week, which felt good. Interval type training, worked up a good sweat, felt stupid - all the earmarks of a great workout. So I'd like to try incorporating that into my workout regime. Maybe I just need to invest in some warmer workout clothes and keep up the run along the river. Really? Why is this getting harder?
This was supposed to feel good. ARRRGH!
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
No longer bored at work
So it's about 8:30 pm, and I've had 3 days of New Job. And I'm tired. In fact, I didn't go to the gym today, even tho I should have, because I just thought that I might need some extra time in bed. You see, I didn't often open at Interim job, which usually meant that I was closing, which also meant that I didn't have to be there til 1 pm, which translated to I got to sleep in ...
... a lot.
Which was a perk.
But now that I have New Job, I try to be there at about 9 am. And I try to look like an adult. "Putting on my big girl pants," which is my family's new favorite phrase. Which translates to hair and makeup in gingerspeak. So I'm getting up a little extra early these days.*
Anyway, back to my point, I was contemplating that I was tired, and that it sucks that I don't get to sleep in, and then I realized something. Well, actually more like, I felt something. I let it roll around in my psyche a moment so that I could pinpoint what it was.
I realized ... that I can't wait to go back to work tomorrow. Is it ... dare I say ... passion?
Yes. Yes, it is! I've felt this before. Passion for a job, a career, a direction! I had it once before. It was when I first started out at my last job. For the first time in my life, I couldn't wait to get to work. And then when I was there, I loved it and wouldn't leave. I'll be honest, it wore off after about a year, but ... I remember it. It felt so good. And now I feel it again! That excitement, that anticipation, that planning in your head of what you're going to do when you get there tomorrow, that mental list of phone calls that you have to make, and then planning that mid-morning coffee that you're going to reward yourself with for having gotten it all done. It's there again! I can't believe it!
This is a strange concept to some, I know. Some people don't know this experience and find it a little hard to believe, like paranormal phenomenon. But I can assure you that it's possible. And, incredibly!, I am now experiencing this for the 2nd time in my life.
Can lightning strike twice? I don't know. But I have found what I was looking for. Maybe I oughta buy a lottery ticket. I'm one lucky girl. Sorry ... big girl.
*I can't wait to go shopping with my New Job paychecks, so I can buy big girl pants that fit and look good on the skinnier me.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Bored at work
Gina waits for the bus, not patiently, but resignedly, knowing that there is no way to make the bus come faster. Everyday, she leaves work with the urgent knowledge that the bus arrives at 5:12 pm, but upon arriving at the bus stop, she realizes that it's going to be late. This realization is born of experience - all those other times that she has waited for that bus. But for some odd reason, she never rids herself of that imposed expectation of being at the bus stop by 5:12 pm. She feels likes she is enslaved by the MBTA.
Her cell phone rings as she waits there. It takes a moment to dig it out of her handbag. It's just one of those needling rings, no ringtones. She could change it to one of those pre-programmed songs that uses high-pitched tones to impersonate music, but that always makes her feel like people will notice that she doesn't have a smartphone. And she hasn't really figured out how to get one of those real songs on her phone.
She doesn't recognize the phone number. So she doesn't answer. She throws it back in her bag. Then she looks around at the others who are waiting. Really? Does this old lady have to stand this close to me? You got a whole freaking sidewalk, lady. Am I standing in the absolute optimal spot for getting on the bus? And yet Gina does not move because of a vague feeling that she doesn't want the old lady to think that she's uncomfortable with her standing so close.
Her phone twiddles. Whoever that was left a voice message. The bus approaches.
The old lady elbows past and stands right on the curb - so much so that Gina is slightly afraid that she'll get hit by the bus. The bus does not slow or veer. It must be some random game of chicken that the old lady and the bus play regularly. Who wins?
Gina lines up to board the bus, while digging through her handbag again for the phone. Crap - pay the bus first. Where did I put that card? Oh, in my pocket. There it is. -$1.50.
She finds a seat near the back - that old lady better stay towards the front of the bus! - and plops down. Her feet hurt. They always hurt. She knows that she really shouldn't wear heels but flats make her legs look dumpy. Without a smartphone, Gina couldn't bear people gawking at her dumpy legs. If they were gawking, it would be comforting to pull out her smartphone and have a very busy and important text that she must study. Sorry, not text, email. When you have a smartphone, you don't text, you email. Just further proof of how unsophisticated her life is.
Oh, my cell. After locating the sneaky little thing, she opens it up. "Listen Now" or "Listen Later?" For a brief moment, Gina savored the mystery, the possibilities, hopefulness of what this call might be. And then terrible premonitions and paranoia flooded her mind - what if this were a hospital and my parents lay dying? Listen now.
"Hey girlie! Ok, so I'm finally gonna make it to see you! I bought my ticket and I fly into Logan on Tuesday. But I can only stay until Sunday and then I'm flying to London. I know, I wish it were longer, but I have a meeting there on Monday. And then I have to be back in Tokyo by the next weekend. Crazy busy! But at least I'll get to see you! Can't wait! Bye!"
Gina is stunned. She saves it. She scrolls through her "Missed" calls to see if she recognizes the number. Once she is looking at it, she realizes, "Of course, I don't know it. I don't know anyone who goes to London and Tokyo." This message is not for her. The thought hits her and then stings for a little while after.
The rest of the bus ride is quiet. Gina looks straight ahead and occasionally down to her phone, still in her hand. Usually she looks out the window on the bus ride home, hoping that she is not drawing attention to her dumpy legs, but today she looks straight ahead. The entrances to the bus are in her direct line of sight. So she sees every person who gets on and off today. The old lady gets off in Allston - in a hurry. Her eyes travel over the bus and the different kinds of people on it. They are none of them noticing her - not even her dumpy legs. It stings - a little like the message - that they don't notice her. But this bewilders her. She would have thought that she'd be ecstatic that she wasn't calling attention to herself.
What Gina doesn't know is that it stings because she is lonely and has only just realized it.
Her cell phone rings as she waits there. It takes a moment to dig it out of her handbag. It's just one of those needling rings, no ringtones. She could change it to one of those pre-programmed songs that uses high-pitched tones to impersonate music, but that always makes her feel like people will notice that she doesn't have a smartphone. And she hasn't really figured out how to get one of those real songs on her phone.
She doesn't recognize the phone number. So she doesn't answer. She throws it back in her bag. Then she looks around at the others who are waiting. Really? Does this old lady have to stand this close to me? You got a whole freaking sidewalk, lady. Am I standing in the absolute optimal spot for getting on the bus? And yet Gina does not move because of a vague feeling that she doesn't want the old lady to think that she's uncomfortable with her standing so close.
Her phone twiddles. Whoever that was left a voice message. The bus approaches.
The old lady elbows past and stands right on the curb - so much so that Gina is slightly afraid that she'll get hit by the bus. The bus does not slow or veer. It must be some random game of chicken that the old lady and the bus play regularly. Who wins?
Gina lines up to board the bus, while digging through her handbag again for the phone. Crap - pay the bus first. Where did I put that card? Oh, in my pocket. There it is. -$1.50.
She finds a seat near the back - that old lady better stay towards the front of the bus! - and plops down. Her feet hurt. They always hurt. She knows that she really shouldn't wear heels but flats make her legs look dumpy. Without a smartphone, Gina couldn't bear people gawking at her dumpy legs. If they were gawking, it would be comforting to pull out her smartphone and have a very busy and important text that she must study. Sorry, not text, email. When you have a smartphone, you don't text, you email. Just further proof of how unsophisticated her life is.
Oh, my cell. After locating the sneaky little thing, she opens it up. "Listen Now" or "Listen Later?" For a brief moment, Gina savored the mystery, the possibilities, hopefulness of what this call might be. And then terrible premonitions and paranoia flooded her mind - what if this were a hospital and my parents lay dying? Listen now.
"Hey girlie! Ok, so I'm finally gonna make it to see you! I bought my ticket and I fly into Logan on Tuesday. But I can only stay until Sunday and then I'm flying to London. I know, I wish it were longer, but I have a meeting there on Monday. And then I have to be back in Tokyo by the next weekend. Crazy busy! But at least I'll get to see you! Can't wait! Bye!"
Gina is stunned. She saves it. She scrolls through her "Missed" calls to see if she recognizes the number. Once she is looking at it, she realizes, "Of course, I don't know it. I don't know anyone who goes to London and Tokyo." This message is not for her. The thought hits her and then stings for a little while after.
The rest of the bus ride is quiet. Gina looks straight ahead and occasionally down to her phone, still in her hand. Usually she looks out the window on the bus ride home, hoping that she is not drawing attention to her dumpy legs, but today she looks straight ahead. The entrances to the bus are in her direct line of sight. So she sees every person who gets on and off today. The old lady gets off in Allston - in a hurry. Her eyes travel over the bus and the different kinds of people on it. They are none of them noticing her - not even her dumpy legs. It stings - a little like the message - that they don't notice her. But this bewilders her. She would have thought that she'd be ecstatic that she wasn't calling attention to herself.
What Gina doesn't know is that it stings because she is lonely and has only just realized it.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Don't hate me because I'm beautiful.
Other weight-loss problems? Sure.
My glasses don't fit anymore. They are too wide for my head and they slip off my ears. So I end up wearing them way forward on my nose. Luckily, I have another pair of glasses that I bought at the same time, which were a little tight at the time that I bought them. And they fit well now.
My opal ring doesn't fit on any finger any more. I tried my thumb but it slips off there very easily.
Gym clothes are very baggy too. Proof-positive that the gym is doing it's job but bad because the gym is the place where I am most active. Nothing makes my pants drop faster than running on a treadmill.
Well, Brad Womack (back for another try on the Bachelor!) could make me drop my pants pretty fast. If I had known that he was still available, I really would have moved to Austin, TX.
Meanwhile, I am still waiting to hear about a job that I interviewed for. If this doesn't come through, I am going to have to start investigating some alternatives to get through the holidays. Because the money just isn't enough right now. Sigh.
My glasses don't fit anymore. They are too wide for my head and they slip off my ears. So I end up wearing them way forward on my nose. Luckily, I have another pair of glasses that I bought at the same time, which were a little tight at the time that I bought them. And they fit well now.
My opal ring doesn't fit on any finger any more. I tried my thumb but it slips off there very easily.
Gym clothes are very baggy too. Proof-positive that the gym is doing it's job but bad because the gym is the place where I am most active. Nothing makes my pants drop faster than running on a treadmill.
Well, Brad Womack (back for another try on the Bachelor!) could make me drop my pants pretty fast. If I had known that he was still available, I really would have moved to Austin, TX.
Meanwhile, I am still waiting to hear about a job that I interviewed for. If this doesn't come through, I am going to have to start investigating some alternatives to get through the holidays. Because the money just isn't enough right now. Sigh.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
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