Ach! Nothing came of that last date. We talked and texted a few times, and then we were supposed to go out and suddenly, to use a movie term, he "went dark." No contact, nothing, nada!
It might have been because I was supposed to text back on a Monday night after practice and didn't because I went out with a friend after practice, had a couple of beers, went home, and fell asleep right away. But I had forgiven him for not contacting me for months! He can't forgive one night?
Hmmmm ...
Last night I went out with some friends for a girls' night and one of them asked me how often I go out; "what, like, once a week?"
I was agog!
My friends think I'm popular!!!
That's the nicest compliment I've gotten in a long time. Seriously.
Then I immediately had low self-esteem. It suddenly seemed like this was an expectation of me, and I was letting my friends down. When I had to tell her, "No, it's more like once a year," it dawned on me that I've probably gone down in their estimation. They thought I was cool enough to have a date a week, and I'm not. So now, I'm not only letting my friends down, but I'm unattractive enough to get that many dates! My only comforting thought was perhaps this makes them feel better about themselves. You know, like Schadenfreude.*
I'm always happy to help others with their self-esteem.
Still I felt like I got a glimpse of what it must have been like to be one of those popular girls who give in to peer pressure. I mean, the weight of having to meet your friends' expectations is daunting.
*Wikipedia it!
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